I just finished reading an entry on one of my favorite reader published online blogs on elephant.com (Article and link at the bottom of page), and couldn't help but to think to myself that me reading it was of no certain coincidence...You see, I, as I'm sure many others out there, can TOTALLY relate to Kate Rose's words that seem to have been written from a place far more guttural and primal than I'm willing to write and speak from in relation to my most recent relationship. I'm really not even sure if it's completely the same thing at all, but what I do know is that I was in a very unhealthy relationship that lasted exponentially longer than it should have...
I think as women, we tend to ignore red flags and think to ourselves "oh, if only I hadn't have reacted in this particular way," or "well, if I had just given him a moment longer when he walked in the door instead of jumping to say hello right away..." That last one sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it? But these are the kinds of things we tell ourselves!!!! That the problem lies within us, NOT within the person that is SAYING there is a problem. Isn't that interesting? Or rather, the most nonsensical, pseudo-philosophical bullshit you've ever heard.
When we tell ourselves these things, the only person we are making excuses for is ourselves. We are hindering our own growth and realization that maybe, just maybe the person we are currently with isn't the person we are meant to grow old and grey with....and that's okay!
Granted there are times and circumstances that we as the individual need to step down and admit fault, but I am not talking about those instances. I am specifically talking about those instances that we make excuses for someone else's bad behavior.
Now, before I get carried away, there are certain details about me and this relationship that need to be clarified;
It's been my opinion for quite some time that women, in general, tend to apologize and take fault for things way more than necessary. One of my favorite comediennes, Amy Schumer, has this great bit about exactly this (http://videos.nymag.com/video/Inside-Amy-Schumer-I-m-Sorry#c=8680372DVZQXJ0MY&t='Inside Amy Schumer': I'm Sorry) As we watch this video we realize how utterly ridiculous our knee-jerk reaction to say sorry is! Why do we do this? I suppose that's a topic to go in depth on at a later time, but I do believe that this tendency is EXACTLY what causes us (women, primarily) to stay in toxic relationships....Thoughts?
If you have anything to say about this cursory overview of why women (read:me) tend to stay in these relationships, I'd love to hear and read what you have to say. Leave me a comment or shoot me a message!!!
**the article mentioned above is titled "Thank you for Letting Me Go" by Kate Rose and can be found at:
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/12/thank-you-for-letting-me-go/
I think the reason why Kate's article on elephant journal resonated with me so much is because I'm recognizing that had he not been the one to finally put a wall up, I probably would have stayed with him...and that's scary. So yes, "thank you for letting me go."
Please take a moment and read Kate's article, it's amazing and I'm sure it was very cathartic for her.
I think as women, we tend to ignore red flags and think to ourselves "oh, if only I hadn't have reacted in this particular way," or "well, if I had just given him a moment longer when he walked in the door instead of jumping to say hello right away..." That last one sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it? But these are the kinds of things we tell ourselves!!!! That the problem lies within us, NOT within the person that is SAYING there is a problem. Isn't that interesting? Or rather, the most nonsensical, pseudo-philosophical bullshit you've ever heard.
When we tell ourselves these things, the only person we are making excuses for is ourselves. We are hindering our own growth and realization that maybe, just maybe the person we are currently with isn't the person we are meant to grow old and grey with....and that's okay!
Granted there are times and circumstances that we as the individual need to step down and admit fault, but I am not talking about those instances. I am specifically talking about those instances that we make excuses for someone else's bad behavior.
Now, before I get carried away, there are certain details about me and this relationship that need to be clarified;
- This relationship ONLY lasted 2.5 months, and,
- Our first fight was before our second date....Eek!!!
It's been my opinion for quite some time that women, in general, tend to apologize and take fault for things way more than necessary. One of my favorite comediennes, Amy Schumer, has this great bit about exactly this (http://videos.nymag.com/video/Inside-Amy-Schumer-I-m-Sorry#c=8680372DVZQXJ0MY&t='Inside Amy Schumer': I'm Sorry) As we watch this video we realize how utterly ridiculous our knee-jerk reaction to say sorry is! Why do we do this? I suppose that's a topic to go in depth on at a later time, but I do believe that this tendency is EXACTLY what causes us (women, primarily) to stay in toxic relationships....Thoughts?
If you have anything to say about this cursory overview of why women (read:me) tend to stay in these relationships, I'd love to hear and read what you have to say. Leave me a comment or shoot me a message!!!
**the article mentioned above is titled "Thank you for Letting Me Go" by Kate Rose and can be found at:
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/12/thank-you-for-letting-me-go/
I think the reason why Kate's article on elephant journal resonated with me so much is because I'm recognizing that had he not been the one to finally put a wall up, I probably would have stayed with him...and that's scary. So yes, "thank you for letting me go."
Please take a moment and read Kate's article, it's amazing and I'm sure it was very cathartic for her.
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