“As it is, we are merely bolting our lives—gulping down undigested experiences as fast as we can stuff them in—because awareness of our own existence is so superficial and so narrow that nothing seems to us more boring than simple being. If I ask you what you did, saw, heard, smelled, touched and tasted yesterday, I am likely to get nothing more than the thin, sketchy outline of the few things that you noticed, and of those only what you thought worth remembering. Is it surprising that an existence so experienced seems so empty and bare that its hunger for an infinite future is insatiable? But suppose you could answer, “It would take me forever to tell you, and I am much too interested in what’s happening now.” How is it possible that a being with such sensitive jewels as the eyes, such enchanted musical instruments as the ears, and such a fabulous arabesque of nerves as the brain can experience itself as anything less than a god? And, when you consider that this incalculably subtle organism is inseparable from the still more marvelous patterns of its environment—from the minutest electrical designs to the whole company of the galaxies—how is it conceivable that this incarnation of all eternity can be bored with being?”
~ Alan Watts, The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are
Let that sink in for a moment...just let it simmer in your mind as you think about true existence.
Its occured to me quite often lately that the vast majority of us simply pitter through life seemingly truly unaware of our surroundings... We are afraid to make eye contact longer than a fleeting sideways glance, we dare not say how we really feel about someone for fear of rejection, we have second thoughts that never seem to end about admitting when we are wrong.
I'm currently sitting outside on my parents front porch in San Antonio, its maybe 50-ish degrees, the stars are full and beautiful, and my hands....my poor hands are FREEZING!!
I just for back from a short run about half an hour ago and I've just been enjoying the silence around me and the neighbors Christmas lights.
What are you doing?
What did you do yesterday?
Are you existing, or are you truly living??
I think for me what tends to happen is that I get caught up fantasizing and daydreaming about "tomorrow." Do you do this? I get so wrapped up in my ideas for the future that I forget to enjoy the now...and we all know the phrase "tomorrow never comes," but that's another story for another time.
So, existing and living in the now.
I did a good job of this yesterday! I was visiting an old friend from middle and high school and we went for a drive through the Texas hill country and ended at lost maples...side note; if you've never been, GO!
I was definitely enjoying the "now" as it seemed, amid my singing every song off key and random outbursts from my friend on different animals he was spotting amongst the foliage, I was truly enjoying my company, my surroundings, the friendly banter, and the MOMENT. I could describe to you in great length and detail a lot about that, but I wish I lived that way every day. Not to diminish a wonderful weekend at all, but to strive to live every day as fully as that.
What do you think? Do you tend to truly live, or do you tend to just exist?
(At the end of my life when I am face to face with God and He asks me, "what did you do with the talents I gave you?" I want to be able to honestly say, "I have nothing left, I used it all.)
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